that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
