i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
