Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
