Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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