Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
NoShamevember. You game?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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