She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
