How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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