Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
