Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
