This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
