i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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