my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
