You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
