I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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