Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
zippers are such a cool invention
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
