peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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