I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
