I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
