Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
did you just send me my own nude
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
