Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
