i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize