Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
