Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
