Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
