You just made me feel so damn special
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Randomize
