Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
