You're completely useless in the revolution.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
