Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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