she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
