She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
