I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
