I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
