the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
