non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
