My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dignity is for republicans.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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