i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
