and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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