Just took my morning after pill in the library
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I love you.
Bad choice
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
