So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
