She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
