I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
