she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
