im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
