Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
