i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
