If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
