Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
