I smell stomach acid.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
third nipple confirmed
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
