she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
