why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
