Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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