You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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