She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
