I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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