i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
nutella sex= disaster
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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