Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
