Sponge bath it is.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
